I spend most of my days all alone in my bed, feeling sorry for myself. I am the thorn in my own side, and believe me, I don't want your help. No motivation to walk out my door and live. Counting seconds 'til I feel something again. I can't escape this hell that I've created for myself. I can't escape these desolate thoughts. I can't help but believe that I am worthless. I can't help but accept that I am a nothing, and that I shouldn't be alive. I still don't understand what happened or when. I couldn't tell you with a gun pointed to head. Separated from life and death. "I want you out," he screams to himself, as he looks in the mirror and sees somebody else. "You are not real." And all I want is to feel like I'm in control of my emotions again. I want to open my eyes and see the world again. Another night and I will cry myself to sleep, wishing all my pain would leave, forever disappear and never come back. It would be so easy just to end it all right now, but I'm scared of who I'd hurt, afraid of the unknown. But, I know something is still keeping me here. Maybe it's God. Maybe it's what I was taught when I was young. Maybe it's fucking nothing. I can't walk away, cause something is keeping here, keeping me upright, telling me to not give up, telling me "do not give up." Someday this will all make sense.
released October 11, 2013
Song written and recorded by Left & Leaving.
Produced by Evan Bissell and Left & Leaving.
Mixed / Mastered by Evan Bissell at Studio 937 1/2
all rights reserved